Little Biker Billy,
A 1st grade teacher asks little Biker Billy what sound a pig makes, Biker Billy stood up & said, "against the wall mother Fucker!"
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Bad Biker Pick Up Lines,
1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.
9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?
14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?
15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?" Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you." Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield? 22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.
23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me. 24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
.
BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE...
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to asemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He said with a deep sigh..."Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Subject: PROPER ENGLISH
For his 77th birthday, A man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded. "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.
OR ONE COULD END UP WITH A DANGLING PARTICIPLE!!
THE
MADAM OPENED THE BROTHEL DOOR IN NEVADA AND SAW A RATHER
DIGNIFIED, WELL-DRESSED, GOOD-LOOKING MAN IN HIS LATE FORTIES OR EARLY
FIFTIES. 'MAY I HELP YOU SIR?' SHE ASKED
'I WOULD LIKE TO SEE VALERIE,' THE MAN REPLIED.
'SIR, VALERIE IS ONE OF OUR MOST EXPENSIVE LADIES. PERHAPS YOU WOULD
PREFER SOMEONE ELSE', SAID THE MADAM.
'NO, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE VALERIE,' HE REPLIED.
JUST THEN, VALERIE APPEARED AND ANNOUNCED TO THE MAN SHE CHARGED $5000 A
VISIT. WITHOUT HESITATION, THE MAN PULLED OUT FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS AND
GAVE IT TO VALERIE, AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS. AFTER AN HOUR, THE MAN CALMLY LEFT.
THE NEXT NIGHT, THE MAN APPEARED AGAIN, ONCE MORE DEMANDING TO SEE
VALERIE. VALERIE EXPLAINED THAT NO ONE HAD EVER COME BACK TWO NIGHTS IN
A
ROW AS SHE WAS TOO EXPENSIVE. BUT THERE WERE NO DISCOUNTS. THE PRICE
WAS STILL $5000. AGAIN, THE MAN PULLED OUT THE MONEY, GAVE IT TO
VALERIE, AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS. AFTER AN HOUR, HE LEFT.
THE
FOLLOWING NIGHT THE MAN WAS THERE YET AGAIN. EVERYONE WAS
ASTOUNDED THAT HE HAD COME FOR A THIRD CONSECUTIVE NIGHT, BUT HE PAID
VALERIE AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS.
AFTER THEIR SESSION, VALERIE QUESTIONED THE MAN, 'NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN
WITH ME THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW. WHERE ARE YOU FROM?' SHE ASKED. THE MAN REPLIED, ' IOWA.'
'REALLY', SHE SAID.. 'I HAVE FAMILY IN IOWA .'
'I KNOW.' THE MAN SAID. 'YOUR SISTER DIED, AND I AM HER ATTORNEY. SHE
ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU YOUR $15,000 INHERITANCE. '
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT THREE THINGS IN LIFE ARE CERTAIN.
1. DEATH
2. TAXES, AND
3. BEING SCREWED BY A LAWYER
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After
looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She
told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a
fortune. 'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say
it's been trained to give blowjobs!'
'Blowjobs!' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month, ' he said..
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true, no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained the frog's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans
flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran
downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading
cookbooks.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone.
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